I was the man. She was the girl. We were everything.
(this story starts like this)
When I was a little girl, maybe 5 years old, there were two strong facts that used to happen in kindergarten. When my memory goes there, I see myself going to school with my grandmother, by car. I was so happy dressing my pastel-pink uniform, with my princess-like hairdo. My grandmother always stopped the car one street before, to catch some flowers from a garden. She then wrapped the flowers in a sheet of paper from my notebook so not to hurt my tiny fingers.
After giving the flowers to my lovely teacher, two other little girls were waiting for me, because I was, in our fantasy, their husband. With my little hands I could hold firmly their hands and make them feel safe. I felt myself with strong power because I could take care of the girls. Sometimes they were playing, and I was just watching. After they finished, they came back to me. I was the man. They were mine. And we were happy.
Now that I am 37 years old and 3 months pregnant I need, more than ever, tenderness and consideration around me. When I had my first desire of eating something very specific and hard to find, a friend made everything to get it, and brought it to me in a Sunday afternoon. Her female intuition always works very quickly. She knows when I’m not ok. She is the first person that gave me a perfume as a gift, the right fragrance for me. She always calls me when I need some light, even if I don’t say anything. When she was born, she wasn’t a she. But for her, for me and everybody that matters, she is.
I also need virility and protection.
Last week, when my boyfriend had to travel, I was in a dinner with 5 men – all of them treating me so good. Two of them came to pick me in my house, opened the car’s door, the elevator’s door, the apartment’s door. None of them smoked near me, because they know that is not nice to a pregnant woman. They brought me mineral water instead of champagne, because they know I can’t drink alcohol. They told me stories about their mums. And promised me to help me with the baby. One of them is going to teach the child about the nature, flowers and herbs. The other one wants to go to Eurodisney with him, or her. They told me I look beautiful, even if they would never desire me, or any other woman, in their beds. I love all of them.
|2012, issue 99, Juliana Lopes|